although its only 1 wk... but alot of things happened to me lar... friends-wise, tutors-wise, driving-wise, working-wise, family-wise and alot of other things...
but... the one wif the most impact on me was the running for Student Conductor in jazz band. and yah, i wasnt chosen. yes yes... im disappointed but i expected the results cause i made it quite clear to them that i dun think im up to it yet. shouldnt have gone to sch and ran for it in the first place... Rudy aka the pres came up to me and told me to run for it since i was there... but im in sch cause steph ... kindly asked me to go... anyway, long story, to cut the long story short, i have mixed feelings about not getting the post.
first, i finally detered myself from making the same mistake i made in JC. i thank watever elements that gave me the chance to study well again. and i will make sure my current commitments will not stop me from doing so. i really wan to change my attitude towards all these music conducting stuffs. i just wan to be a normal member, learn like a normal student, and to find back the sense of learning music as a musician again. this feeling is so complicated... right now, i just feel like crying, cause, im finally the chen limin i knew last time. a musician, a learner and a listener. that's wat i have always been pursueing... but yet, in the course of it, SC just came into the picture and spoilt the path.
right now, i have a great study clique, and all i can say is that im really very lucky to have them. although they may be quite muggish, but hey, we know when to have fun and when to study. i believe, by giving up SC, i keep these precious friends and not let the JC history repeats...
right now, im glad that i lost the SC post. and i thank everything for not letting me get the post. i thank rudy for showing me wat jazzz band is really like. and i hope i wouldnt get myself involved in their complicated stuffs. i thank the conductor for showing me how limited my musicianship is... i hope i will continue to learn more about diff music from him and most probably try not to quit jazz band until i have learnt enough. hope that kenny will cope holding such a tough post in such a new CCA.
im still young. and like wat they say in the interview, "If u are the SC, u will be the youngest head around. do u think u can stand the pressures and doubts from the seniors?"
my true answer - NO
and as for the call from the CAC head today, i think they mistaken me to be the new SC in jazz band. haha... no way im going for the meeting tmr.
gimme a break limin... u need to stop thinking about all these music stuffs and concentrate and be happy wif wat u have right now.
SC = alot of sacrifices. i know i dont want that. pls pls pls pls pls pls pls .. dun let me think about it again. i really need to concentrate on my studies. thank you for not letting me become the SC.
gtg and study le. going out for KBOX wif the trainess and auditors tmr. $$$ fly fly fly away le. sad.
haha~
i blogged @
8:54 AM
Thursday, August 11, 2005
haiz, long time never blog le. sry for neglecting you... cause nowadays im really bery busy with work and ... school work. haha...
got no time for myself at all... except at night, when i spend my times wif my textbooks and tutorials
have been contemplating about whether to join jazz band nowadays... aiyah, shit... its this JC confusion again... to follow my interests or to concentrate on my hw. of course, the practical thing is to concentrate on my hw... but i cant seem to get myself to stop thinknig about joining jazz band. im always craving for the chance to produce more music in a grp and this is my chance!!! but but, if i take up jazz band, i will have less time to work and i will have to reschedule my piano lesson timings which also means less time for chiong-ing hw. arh!!! wat did i get myself into again?
cried over this problem today... guess its the accumulating stress that is taking over me... never felt so stressed for a long time. haiz. o pls, let me get thru this fast...
anyway, band alumni rocks even though we cant play well. i really understand y i miss alumni band le... because most of the pple who return to alumni band are those who truly love music... like me! o music, how can i survive w/out u, thank you for being part of my life and i hope i will discover u fully and spread u to other pple of similar interest.
have been stuck in canteen B nowadays, doing tutorials and catching up with lecture problems wif the "study clique". omg, i cant believe how "muggish" i have turned. lolz, but i believe it has made me more discipline and diligent. yupz...
was thinking about wat my ballet employer was mentioning about NTU being the god forsaken place... hmmm, i totally agree... especially the 179 bus stop... i think... i cant take the non air-con buses + bad smell in jurong + the most impt one... the QUEUE!!! wow... k, the queue in the morning is sometimes quite unbelievable. for pple like mi who have to take bus everyday... i kinda like accept my fate liaozz. haha, gtg and sleep liaoz. tata~
