although its only 1 wk... but alot of things happened to me lar... friends-wise, tutors-wise, driving-wise, working-wise, family-wise and alot of other things...
but... the one wif the most impact on me was the running for Student Conductor in jazz band. and yah, i wasnt chosen. yes yes... im disappointed but i expected the results cause i made it quite clear to them that i dun think im up to it yet. shouldnt have gone to sch and ran for it in the first place... Rudy aka the pres came up to me and told me to run for it since i was there... but im in sch cause steph ... kindly asked me to go... anyway, long story, to cut the long story short, i have mixed feelings about not getting the post.
first, i finally detered myself from making the same mistake i made in JC. i thank watever elements that gave me the chance to study well again. and i will make sure my current commitments will not stop me from doing so. i really wan to change my attitude towards all these music conducting stuffs. i just wan to be a normal member, learn like a normal student, and to find back the sense of learning music as a musician again. this feeling is so complicated... right now, i just feel like crying, cause, im finally the chen limin i knew last time. a musician, a learner and a listener. that's wat i have always been pursueing... but yet, in the course of it, SC just came into the picture and spoilt the path.
right now, i have a great study clique, and all i can say is that im really very lucky to have them. although they may be quite muggish, but hey, we know when to have fun and when to study. i believe, by giving up SC, i keep these precious friends and not let the JC history repeats...
right now, im glad that i lost the SC post. and i thank everything for not letting me get the post. i thank rudy for showing me wat jazzz band is really like. and i hope i wouldnt get myself involved in their complicated stuffs. i thank the conductor for showing me how limited my musicianship is... i hope i will continue to learn more about diff music from him and most probably try not to quit jazz band until i have learnt enough. hope that kenny will cope holding such a tough post in such a new CCA.
im still young. and like wat they say in the interview, "If u are the SC, u will be the youngest head around. do u think u can stand the pressures and doubts from the seniors?"
my true answer - NO
and as for the call from the CAC head today, i think they mistaken me to be the new SC in jazz band. haha... no way im going for the meeting tmr.
gimme a break limin... u need to stop thinking about all these music stuffs and concentrate and be happy wif wat u have right now.
SC = alot of sacrifices. i know i dont want that. pls pls pls pls pls pls pls .. dun let me think about it again. i really need to concentrate on my studies. thank you for not letting me become the SC.
gtg and study le. going out for KBOX wif the trainess and auditors tmr. $$$ fly fly fly away le. sad.
